Abandon All Hope
When we subjugate to Hope, we effectively abdecate control over our lives.
Hope leaves you purposeless, & without purpose theres no action.
Purposelessness leads to bad decisions, because there’s no strong foundation – something that purpose delivers in spades – from which to make an informed decision. Constantly shifting purpose (often minute to minute until Hope comes to the rescue and removes all need for purpose – fucking dickhead that he is)
Technically today is Day 31. Anyway, no challenge can exist without the reward, and as I begin to think about the next 31 days challenge I will be testing myself whilst treating myself.
Steven Wright is a genius.
If you’re having a shit day, this is pretty good medicine.
And if I am successful I know that I defeated the only real enemy I have: myself.
So it’s taken until the night of Day 26 for me to have a drug-related dream.
These types of dreams usually start to kick in once physical withdrawal is over (within the first week for most things except alcohol and cigarettes, which are weeks and months respectively… the 2 legal ones… hmmmm…). Continue reading “Day 26: Detox Dreams & Morning Temptation Battles”
I’ve spent far too much time in my room for too long.
The reasons for this are varied and unimportant.
What is important is the world view this prolonged ‘underexposure’ has left me with.
The windows in my room are filthy, both outside and in. Continue reading “That Filthy View”
Perhaps I’m behind the times. Perhaps there is some benefit that I’m blinded to by my outdated penchant for being honest with people to their faces (within reason of course, although I rarely hold back to spare feelings – it’s more about the ‘can’t-be-fucked-with-the-potential-social-media-nameless-but-obvious-attacks’ part – I do try to keep criticism constructive).
Perhaps there is some merit in it – I guess for the acquaintances-called-friends world we’re now stuck with thanks to Facebook’s appropriation and bastardization of the the word “Friend’ it makes sense that we’re less than forthcoming to someone’s face.
But for real relationships – ones that actually do make it out of the ether and into the physical realm – I can’t get my head around this Millenial-driven trend of not discussing anything face-to-face that could end in a negative outcome/argument/dissolution of friendship etc.
It leaves me very uncomfortable and with a strong feeling that my time is being stolen by insincere bullshit conversations.
I’m also at a loss on how to resolve misunderstandings with practitioners of this style.
Conversations with these types of people are like a game of Blankety-Blanks. Forever guessing at a subtext, forever wondering if I’ve missed a reference somewhere in popular culture that, had I known it, would open this vault of understanding as to what the fuck this dickhead really means.
But mostly, it’s fucking lame.
If you don’t have the nuts to own an opinion, especially an unpopular one, in the face of the public, then you don’t deserve to have an opinion… at least not one I will take seriously.
I have a fucking truckload to say about addiction.
And most that I want to say is directed at those who have never (yet) struggled with addiction but are full of advice about Dali g with it. It might also be of interest to others; fortunately the nice people tend to offer more support than advice.
Blurred Lines
Not all addictive behavior is solely about a lack of personal control over the impact of extended substance use.
The use of recreational drugs can be one of the last lines of defense against the influence of external control. Like “If I don’t have any control over the rest of my life, at least I can still control how i feel” kinda thing.
Obviously, this strategy is full of flaws. Prolonged substance use weakens the substances efficacy as the user develops an immunity / familiarity with the effects. Theres the obvious physical alterations and their related effects on physical and mental health and function.
I’m just saying that in treating substance use issues from a psychological angle, it should be considered that it’s not a search to be out of control, but the quest to retain it, if only in small doses.
I had a ‘Blankety-Blanks’ [see Face To Face Conversations post] conversation with someone late last year whom I considered to be a very intelligent, insightful and sensitive human being. It raised the topic of addiction with him because of a piece he had written that made a thinly veiled reference to it, and positioned it in the very generic pigeonholed context I mention above.
So I wanted to discuss this a bit, particularly as I took a guess that this guy had never been challenged by addiction (he said he had, to things like reading, religion etc… really not even close to the same bro.. had he said food I might have conceded…)
Anyway, I put forth the idea of substance use as a last ditch attempt at control when control was almost completely lost. His response:
“Well, not really, I think that’s almost never the real case”.
This is why detox facilities and rehabs often employ ex-addicts – at least they can see where the addict is coming from.
Trying to emulate someone else’s battle against and past Hope (or whatever they happen to call it) is a surefire way of fucking up your own battle strategy and copping a serious beating.
The Hope Detox
Everybody’s Hope is uniquely their own. That’s why the cunt is so good at fucking with you; cause it’s you, one step ahead of the exhausted, bewildered, scared you that is knocking on Hope’s door on a Tuesday night at 3am.
Continue reading “The Unique & Terrifying Journey Through & Beyond Hope”
So, what’s all this mean in the self-help-giving-advice-after-a-difficult-experience type buzz?
Basically, I think Hope is a sneaky fucker inside all of us, and we are rarely in situations that we need him. All Hope does is weaken your resolve to act to solve the challenge in front of us.
“Humph. Hope, it is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength, and your greatest weakness.”
The Architect, The Matrix: Reloaded
The reality is that Hope is a crutch. Continue reading “Fuck Hope”
THE HOPE DETOX 