Having gone through a few life changes in recent times, and now rolling with an updated perception of both ‘then’ & ‘now’, I may be facing a connundrum.
I say ‘may’ because it’s perceptual, and therefore has a tendency towards fluidity and shade variation on a regular basis. I say ‘connundrum’ because it’s a word I so rarely get to,use in a sentence these days.
The connundrum is this: using a blog as a diary or journal is great in terms of creating a record of a difficult journey, upon which one can reflect on the changes one has experienced. It’s not so good in terms of the perceptions, opinions and thoughts contained through the history of said blog being attributed as current or perpetual.
I’ll give you an example.
My perception of and relationship with hope has changed through the writing of this blog. I have come to realise that ‘hope’ can wear many various faces and come in many various shades. And that some of those can be good, positive, and helpful. So whilst I stand by my comments regarding the detrimental effect of surrendering to hope, I now also understand that if hope can be tamed, and therefore controlled, it can provide a positive contribution to ones life.
It’s the difference between the hope that is simply optimism focused on a glass half full outcome of elements that we cannot completely control, and the hope that is a laissez-faire approach to life (akin to what I described in my first post). Both are valid, both are real. Both are milestone markers on a journey.
The connundrum is the power of attribution to a few words as being a summary of all that someone is about. I am guilty af of this, as I know most others are too.
Perhaps the connundrum is whether or not I give a fuck…