And if I am successful I know that I defeated the only real enemy I have: myself.

So it’s taken until the night of Day 26 for me to have a drug-related dream.

These types of dreams usually start to kick in once physical withdrawal is over (within the first week for most things except alcohol and cigarettes, which are weeks and months respectively… the 2 legal ones… hmmmm…). However, this 31 Days didn’t really start with any major detox, so it’s mostly been just distraction techniques against emotional avoidance use. Same same but different.

This dream was probably partially triggered by catching up with a couple of friends from home who are traveling through the region where I live. These guys are family, and we have a long and excellent history. These are the types of friends who knew me before, during, and now after, and so catching up is always a mix of then and now, being really seen by people that have known me long enough to know me.

The dream took place in a kind of school-prison (of course it did), and built up to me having scored some gear, but then being constantly ‘blocked’ from taking it for various reasons by various people, including the friends I caught up with last night.

It’s always this way…

The other trigger was DJing a friend’s birthday and being challenged in my resolve for completing this 31 Days.

You know what I mean. It was a good party.

Day 26Day 26
Day 26

By far the worst part of having these dreams is that I wake up ‘unsatisfied’. It’s essentially the same feeling as being ripped by a drug dealer – frustration, and a powerful need to sate that frustration.

I know someone who could deliver in about 30 minutes. She’s saved in my phone as “The Pizza Company”.

You may ask “Why keep contacts?” This is an important question.

The answer is that the “remove temptation” approach establishes a pattern of avoidance that, in reality, doesn’t actually deal with or change anything. Things are all good whilst access to the temptation or habit is unavailable. However, once that access is again open, it’s like back to square one, with no tools developed to deal with the inevitable.

So I keep the contact to test myself. If I fail the test, then I wasn’t ready to complete the test successfully and need to sort out the weak point that failing revealed.

And if I am successful I know that I defeated the only real enemy I have: myself.

I also use these moment’s to train for life’s more difficult battles with pricks like Hope and his crew.

Thinking of the moment as training serves both as  distraction from and greater use of the more tangible challenge of not indulging in the party by seeing it as training for the more intangible, and therefore far more difficult challenges of the mind and spirit.

All for the win.

Anyway, I’m going for a poolside chill to listen to some disco funk.

Cause everything is sunshine with disco funk.

 

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