One problem I’ve had with self-help personal growth blah blah blah materials is they either are too specific or too generic (I group these 2 as the same problem, just polar opposites).
Basically, too much author, not enough room for reader.
It’s like when I’m DJing. I fucking HATE requests when I’m DJing. I use ‘hate’ deliberately here; the kind of use of hate that comes with a diminished ability to do something well. Distracting hate. Frustrating hate. Hate that implies a hope for the non-existence of something.
I hate requests for a bunch of reasons, but the main one is how much they fuck up the flow of the story I’m trying to tell by the collection of tracks I’m playing.
Anyway, I’ll probably write a long ranty-but-with-a-posotive-message-resolution post about DJ requests later. I mention then now to illustrate the point that every individual has only one story – their own.
DJing is telling a story using a collection of songs, and mixing them in such a way so they alls sense to the crowd.
That story has plot twists, character arcs and interrelationships and all the other bits that all stories have in some way. But, each person’s story is written in their unique style.. Each story is written in the language style of it’s owner. It’s written on unique paper, using a unique pen. It’s broken up into unique volumes, each of a unique number of pages, styles and sizes. The artwork on the covers and in the pages of the volumes is uniquely created and styled,
The artistic calligraphy of the first letter of each chapter is totes unique as fuck.
So any attempt to emulate anyone else’s story exactly and completely will end in tears. Cause it won’t be unique, in fact it will be a really crappy copy of a story that wouldn’t even make it into the 50c bargain bin. It will be awkward and uncomfortable. It will be jarring to read or listen to. It will be, in short, a shit story that no one, including the author, can really get behind, support, believe in, respect, follow, like or love.
That’s what someone making a request is doing: interrupting the story the DJ is telling to try to inject their own chapter into it.
Not fun for anyone..
Writing your own story means living your life on your terms, & that is the only way to live. What those terms are can and should be regularly evolving as you do.
Being comfortable with telling your unique story is part of what makes up a Positive Mindset.
Living By Your Own Terms is the pathway to discovering what your own terms are.
And your own terms may be being a doormat for someone, accepting help or handouts, sitting in your room for a year. or whatever. What’s important is that you are owning your actions and their consequences.
Only then can any progress occur. When you are owning the good and the bad shit in your life, you are better positioned to control it.
I’ve been on the receiving end of a lot of “you are in control of your reactions to bad things happening to you” type shit over the last 2 years. It’s what people who do bad shit tell you to absolve themselves.
The annoying thing is, it true…at least as a goal to strive for.
Everyone has a breaking point, where they will lose control and do whatever is necessary to stop/remove/escape from the situation that took them to the breaking point.
Rarely is this a pretty sight.
So aiming io gain greater control over Oneself when faced with cuntz is far more productive and satisfying than getting angry, upset, or approaching breaking point.
I’ve found this can require emotionally distancing once self from the purveyors of shit times, which can be difficult and sucky. In the long term it’s far more healthy and ultimately empowering than trying to change people.
Or even worse, hoping they will change & stop being cuntz.